A brief list of things I must know in this world: 1) When will Modest Mouse start making good music again? 2) When will I be able to write about beer for a living? 3) Will Michigan sports ever let me watch them without balling my eyes out and throwing the cat at the television? And 4) If Jesus were going to throw back a few at the bar, would he order Bud Light or something significantly better?

Well, thanks to some interesting folks in India, I’m getting closer to finding out the answer to one my everlasting questions!

GAUHATI, India — Authorities in a Christian-majority state in India’s remote northeast have confiscated all copies of a school textbook that carried a picture of Jesus Christ holding a can of beer and a cigarette, an official said Saturday.

The primary school textbook, which teaches cursive handwriting, used the picture of Jesus on the page for the letter ‘I’ – to represent Idol.

Ampareen Lyngdoh, education minister of Meghalaya state, strongly criticized the illustration.

“I am appalled and condemn the violent pictorial presentation of Christ. The children for whom the textbook was meant look up to Christ with reverence, and they are shocked beyond words,” Lyngdoh said.

The government has seized all copies of the textbook from schools and bookshops in Meghalaya for offending public sentiment, she said.

Yeah, I suppose that’s pretty bad. I mean, who would want to teach kids to smoke and drink at such a young age? Shame on you, Jesus. You better get your life together. Also: Jesus on a Bender–best band name ever? I think so. Make it happen, readers.

I’m going to assume the picture attached to the post isn’t the actual image. A Google image search of “beer Jesus” puts forth some quality examples. Props to anyone who can actually find the real, printed beer-drinkin’, chain-smokin’ Jesus.

Washington Post — Indian state removes book with Jesus holding beer